When I Lost It

By Caroline Royal 

It took forever to get my period back. 

After going on the pill in high school and switching to a hormonal IUD in college, I wanted to remember how my body felt on a natural period. I decided to ditch my IUD hoping that a natural period would come swiftly . . . and it didn’t come at all. It didn’t come in a month, three months, six months, or a year. I longed to prepare for a week or so of rest and to have an excuse to use my heating pad. I felt like a part of my identity was stolen. I tried switching my diet, eating healthy, exercising regularly, and being happy. Nothing worked. I tried buying period products thinking that my purchases would somehow bring on my period and because that’s just not how bodies work, my efforts were unsuccessful.

After many months of waiting and a visit to my doctor who told me that maybe I should just slow down - and maybe not workout everyday - and maybe work to accept my negative feelings - and maybe eat what I want and not what I think I should be eating - I started listening to my body. I listened as she told me that she was tired. She was tired of the health-focused routine I had established and was ready to not need permission to rest - to not need permission to use the heating pad. So I set out to slow down.

I was distanced about two years from my last period when I woke up the day after my most recent birthday to a very pleasant surprise. I opened my bathroom cabinet to put the products I had unnecessarily purchased many months in advance to use. It was at that moment that I decided to commit to improving my period routine just as I had done with my daily routine - to make it more personal and intentional and less judgmental. I’ve been using (and loving) Viv ever since. 

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